Parenting a Teen can be the happiest of times but yikes getting them to talk can be like pulling teeth.
It’s costing me a small fortune but I have found that discussing important topics works better when we actually enjoy a meal at a restaurant. Don’t worry we are not eating at four star restaurants only at the diner down the street.
Back when my daughter was in elementary school, I used to walk her to school every morning. I miss those moments because my daughter provided a running commentary of everything we saw, asked a gazillion questions or offered up some random thought that popped into her little head.
As she headed into her tweens, the conversations became more one-sided with me asking questions all the time and her responses seemed to fall into two responses, “fine” or “okay.” Asking open-ended questions did not always work or she would just answer “I don’t know.”
And now that she is a teenager, it is worse. It really is like the Spanish Inquisition with me to get some type of answer. Talk about running the gamut of questions. I ask about her teachers, her friends, her friend’s parents, social media, what music she is listening to, her favorite show on Netflix, anything and pretty much I get nothing or close to nothing.
And if there is an important topic I want to discuss like financial trade-offs. Yes, it sounds very deep and meaty but frankly I think that when your kids are spending your money, they need to understand that you are not an ATM machine or you do not have unlimited funds. I know I sound like my dad or the parents in Charlie Brown, I know she isn’t listening or tuning out. And yes, I have a tendency to lecture which I am working on changing my communication style.
I know many people and experts say that having meals together is important to family bonding. I would agree in theory but again I can tell my daughter is more interested in answering and eating quickly so she can get back to texting (or whatever social media platform) her friends.
But I have found in the past couple of years, that when I suggest we do to dinner usually on a Friday, the end of the school week, bringing up serious and important topics seems to work better to get her to talk and actually listen to what I am saying. And she in turn will talk in full sentences and have a real conversation. She even asks questions.
I am always surprised at the topics she brings up. At one dinner, she expressed interest in visiting Germany because she wanted to learn more about the Holocaust. After visiting London and Paris, we both agreed that visiting Italy was going to be our next big European trip so Germany was a total surprise. Who knew she even knew about the Holocaust!
At another dinner, she talked about taking a Gap Year. Again I was surprised she even knew what a Gap Year was and it was totally unrelated to Malia Obama news of taking a Gap Year. And her reason for taking a gap year was to earn money for college. Somehow my discussion on our financial situation actually stuck in her head.
I have no idea why she seems to be more relaxed and engaged in the conversation when go out to dinner, maybe it’s uniqueness of the meal. My wallet may take a hit but if it gets her to talk to me more, I will take it.
P.S. They are no pictures of us eating dinner at the diner because refuses to take one. One day I promise I will replace our photo.
Here’s to another perspective of parenting a teen – 25 Reasons I love Being the Mother of Teen
Stop Lecturing
I have been guilty of this, it’s a learning curve this whole parenting a teenager gig. My daughter shuts down faster than you can imagine if I start to lecture her amidst a conversation that was important to her. I have learned to stop lecturing; your teen is old enough to know right from wrong. Be confident in the fact that you raised them right and let them figure out solutions on their own.
