My daughter is a hugger, meaning that there are times during the day that she just wants to be hugged. It’s not when we leave in the morning or late at night that she insists on a hug. Her hug requests happen spontaneously during the day. Here is where a collective, “aahh, isn’t that sweet, she still wants to hug you” comment comes.
Yes ,on both counts and here in lies the “bad mommy” behavior, I am going to look back during the ugly high school years and kick myself. My daughter’s hug request always seem to be while I am writing or cooking or doing something. I will admit that I am in the zone and just want to get whatever I am doing done which does not make for a “sure, I will hug you’ moment.
My natural inclination is to tell her to wait which inevitably results in a temper tantrum or stomping off or a rare “you don’t love me’ comment. This. of course jolts me into full damage control mode where I have to stop doing what am I doing to soothe her.
You see where I am going, you are thinking and I would agree, literally how stupid I am for my bad mommy behavior. I make no excuses for my behavior but sometimes, I am introspective about my parenting skills and how I came to act in a certain manner. As parents, I think we either parent as our parents did or go the opposite way. It’s funny because as I look back on my own childhood, my parents were not huggers which probably is the reason that my siblings and me are not exactly the most demonstrative of people. Saying I love you is a tough one for us too (don’t worry, I tell my daughter I love her all the time.)
I know intuitively, that stopping for a 30 second hug is nothing compared to her momentary feeling bad that I don’t love her and don’t want to be with her. Every time it happens, I want to kick myself. I am so concerned about her tween/teen years and all the self-esteem issues she is going to have to face that I can’t believe that I am slowly contributing to her upcoming insecurities.
So going forward, no matter what I am doing, I am going to hug the little munchkin.
Hugs are good! It’s amazing what a few seconds can do to a child and moms bonding and esteem.
As a mom of a boy my hug request are getting less each year so I now have to steal and demand them from him 🙂