Most people don’t like change especially kids. I think one of the most important rules of thumb that I have learned as a parent is that a consistent routine is the key to ensuring that we somewhat of a normal day-to- day life.
My daughter is no different when it comes to adjusting to change. In fact, whenever I veer from the tried and true, all hell breaks loose and takes us days if not weeks to recover from whatever has upset the apple cart routine.
This week, Dr. M asked my daughter how it was going since your mom went back to work full-time. My daughter made a hand gesture, not that one but the universal “cosi, cosi” signaling, it’s so, so.
Now, her response did not come as a surprise. During the time, I was either working from home or consulting, I have always done drop off and pick up from school. She obviously got used to this schedule. Who wouldn’t?
Personally, I enjoyed our walks together. My daughter is a chatterbox, and I liked hearing her talk about her day or ask random questions, I mostly could not answer (they don’t they tell you in the parenting books that you will have to explain the history of car insurance.) Our mother-daughter time is something I cherish only because I know that one day it will end and she will be walking to school by herself or not want to talk to me at all (ah the teen years!)
Since I started back to full-time status, I need to be in the office early for a 8:30 meeting which means I can not do drop off on Monday and I also have to stay late so I can not do pick up. That is a pretty dramatic shift from what she is used to. It must be said, from my perspective is that particular routine was actually the norm during the infant and toddler years. I used to drop her off at daycare at 7:30am and have a babysitter pick her up, everyday. She obviously doesn’t remember because she was young.
Dr. M. reassured my daughter, “I know you don’t like that your mommy’s schedule has changed and maybe you think she is going to leave but she is not. She loves you very much.” Dr. M.’s theory is that my daughter deep down might be feeling that I will abandon her because of the adoption. I am not sure if I agree with that theory. That said, I can’t really change my situation because while I would love to be a stay at home/working mom, it’s not an option since food and shelter are a must.
We did end with an agreement that my daughter and I would set up mommy-daughter “time.” I know it sounds counter-intuitive since I spend pretty much all my time with my daughter but I think that the mommy-daughter time needs to be “labeled” as such so she internalizes that those moments are our time and the usual running errands/weekend stuff that we do.
So our first mommy-daughter event is going to see the new movie “42” about Jackie Robinson (it was her choice, surprise!)
Would love to hear how your child has adjusted once you went back to work and how you handled it.
It may be tough now but years down the road she will admire you for working full-time and still being there for her. I know I wanted my mom to be at home but she made our time together so meaningful that it all worked out.