When people find out I adopted my daughter at 15 weeks and did it on my own, single women and moms always make the same comment, “I don’t know how you do it?”
I don’t really have a response to their comments, other than “I manage.” Honestly, I have no idea how I do it either. My family doesn’t live near to help put although I do have friends who have pitched in over the years.
Sorry to ruin your day but if you are expecting this to be an uplifting post on tips on how to survive and thrive as a single mom, that is a post for another day.
This is a post about how I am not surviving very well or thriving for that matter. It’s hard to say why, I am not a particularly sad or depressed person but I will admit lately I am feeling very overwhelmed and just plain bored. Yes, bored.
I know moms are not supposed to say this but I am tired of doing it by myself and I am tired of being a mom. Maybe it’s because my daughter is now a tween. Good god, it’s hard to believe that in comparison, the sleepless nights, constant crying, changing diapers, shlepping up and down three flights of stairs in an elevator-less building never looked so good.
Don’t get me wrong, I love my daughter and I thank god everyday for the call that changed my life. And I think I am very lucky. I enjoy where I work, I have fabulous friends, I own my New York apartment but I just would like to get off the mommy go round even if it just for a few days. I used to be horrified at parents who shipped their kids off to sleep away camp. Now I know why. 8 weeks of alone time with no responsibilities. What’s not to love about that?
Right now my days consist of going to work, making meals, arguing with my daughter on a daily basis (over homework, internet use, life, who the hell knows what) and finally, my financial situation. Yes I have a good job but I am also supporting three people (my brother also lives with us, that’s a story for another post) plus paying back debt from when I was unemployed. That is a lot to deal with all by my lonesome. No one said it would be easy nor for one minute did I think it would be easy but sheesh!!
Disney’s Cinderella may be a fantasy story but what I wouldn’t give for a fairy godmother to swoop in and plop me down on beach somewhere? Or even a day at a spa?
Today, this story doesn’t have a happy ending. But don’t worry, I have decided to sit down for a couple of hours (in a coffee shop alone) to think about how I can change up up my daily routine and life.
Any ideas you have are greatly appreciated.
I admire your honesty and strength. Keep on doing what you’re doing. Parenting is so trivial at times, I definitely think everyone deserves a break to refresh and to have a chance to “catch up.” I visit my parents on long weekends back home in Va. I’m not sure if that’s an option for you.
After I read this, I immediately thought of the Fresh Air Fund. http://www.freshair.org/get-an-application Have you looked in to this? Several friends back home host kids from NYC and always have a blast!
Thanks for your comment and support, truly appreciated it.
While I am not a single parent, I can testify to the difficulty of raising Middle School kids-it does seem thankless some days. One issue you don’t have !! is arguing with a spouse/partner about HOW to handle the arguments, decisions, etc with the child-this can leave you feeling as if NO ONE is on “your side.” There are a lot of summer camps out there that offer scholarships, if you do the research. Your daughter will probably enjoy it and it will give her a break as well, even if only for a week or two. Keep your chin up!
I wouldnt mind having spouse/partner so they can have arguments with the middle schooler. I am looking into summer camps with scholarships. Thanks for the kind words.
It’s nice to read some honesty about parenting. I believe it takes a village to raise a child, and without help from others, it’s impossible. I hope you feel like you’ve grown a community of support through this blog! I’ve been lucky enough to find a community of parents at Girls Prep who have helped to raise my daughter with me, and who I can look to for advice. Just know that you aren’t alone, even though you may feel that way.
Thanks for the words of support and yes it does take a village to raise a child.
Love the honesty! I was raised by a single mom, and we had the benefit of living with my grandparents. Even so, as an adult, I marveled at how she was able to make it work. If nothing else, know that you are raising a young lady who will look at this world a little differently, and know that as a woman she can do ANYTHING. Maybe not today, but someday.
Honest-to-goodness, as someone who has been both in the single mom and married mom role, no matter what, you simply can’t “do it all.” Being a mom is totally hard work – juggling all those roles, giving up freedoms, and whew! dealing with pre-teens… it’s a wonder how we ever manage to keep it all together! Wish I had the answers, but I struggle with some of the same things. I think we all do, you are certainly not alone. And I think there’s nothing wrong with allowing you and your daughter both some space whether it’s through finding a summer camp option or just maybe arranging for a sleep over or two so you can have a night to just kick back and relax. Hang in there, Linda!
My advice is to not try and be perfect, don’t try and please anyone and just do your best!! Being a Mom is a job in itself, no matter what the age, etc. Most of the whiners that you hear are those that don’t have kids, so if anyone gives you a hard time…tell them to come babysit! 🙂 I’m here with you, my friend! 🙂
Thanks so much for the comment about not trying to please everyone. That is so me. I love being a mom but it takes a long time not to be super mom.
I think we all feel that way from time to time as mothers. Parenting is not easy, and once you add in the mix of all the other responsibilities, well life isn’t easy either. I agree with Jamie, try not to be perfect or as a means to please someone else. Take care of the necessities and worry about your family. It sounds like you could benefit from some down time and I agree with the others that a sleep over at a friends for your daughter might be in order so you can have a little me time.
hang in there. no one is perfect. hoping things are better now and little less stressful. Definitely dont feel guilty and take time for yourself.
((((((HUGS))))) I applaud your honesty! I read so many posts about moms, single or not, whose lives are totally fulfilled through their kids. I wonder about those…..just how forthcoming is that? And like you, my 55 year old brother also lives with us, and that is TRULY a story for another day. I would say, in the best of all possible worlds, you need some sort of mini-vacation – even a 3 day weekend, at a spa (doesn’t have to be high-end), or a B&B. Just someplace and some tme by yourself where you can go to refresh and recharge. YOUR time. <3 Sending good vibes your way from Queens!