Using Skype to Deal with Death and Dying: Therapy Thursday

At some point, death and dying is a topic of worry for children but I did not think that I would have to deal with so soon. For the last few months, my daughter randomly breaks down into tears worrying that I will die. This obsession started soon after I received a late night phone call from a cousin who lives in Atlanta, that my aunt (his mom) was in the hospital after experiencing chest pains. I assumed from the call that it was serious since he and I don’t communicate very often.

Unfortunately, the call woke up my daughter who wanted to know who I was talking to. I told her, it was “D,” my cousin and that my aunt was not feeling well. I thought that my very ambigiuous response would suffice. I think not.

A few days later, my daughter announced to me that she wanted to go to college at New York University and live with me.

I, of course, retorted that “when you go to college, I am pretty sure you will want to go far away and stay in a dorm.”

“No,” and she started crying, “I want to live with you forever, I am afraid you are going to die.”

Needless to say , I just let her cry it out and soothed her. What do you say to a 7 year old, we’re all going to die one day. NOT!!

Since she gets these sad moments worrying no one will take care of her, which naturally upsets.

So when the Blissdom conference came up, she was none too happy about my going away and wished that it would snow on my departure date  so I would not be able to fly. I said, to her “I know you don’t want mommy to go away but it would be worse not to go because I would still have to pay.”

I went off to Blissdom (it did snow on the day of my departure) and of course, she was none to happy while I was gone. Her poor teacher who was warned sent me  a couple of emails that she was distracted and crying a lot. Poor baby.

After I got back, we were talking again and I told her I know it’s difficult but sometimes mommy has to go away on business. It’s hard for you but mommy needs to do it and then she said “maybe we could video chat.” And I said “oh my, I just learned to Skype this week.”

The joyous look on her face was something I will never forget. It was like the weight of the world was lifted off her shoulders. Duh, it never occurred to me, that seeing my face was enough to placate her fears while I was away.  This is one of those instances where “out of sight is not of out of mind.”

This weekend we are going to practice, Skyping.

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