They say that it can take multiple tries to break a habit. If that is the case, then I am in big trouble. My daughter is now in second grade. In that time period, she has had five school breaks, multiple three-day weekends and of course, summers off from school. Instead of sending her to bed at her normal bedtime during her breaks, I lazily let her stay up way past her 8:30 p.m bedtime.
I have no idea why I continue down this path to doom and destruction to my mental health but yet I do. The problem with allowing her to stay up past her bedtime is that it wreaks havoc with the morning routine.
The morning routine on a good day is fraught with tension but the day after a break is even worse. Inevitably, the morning after a break is filled with multiple string of “get up, let’s go, we are going to be late” repeated over and over again to the point of being frustrated and yes, raising my voice.
I can bet my life savings on the fact that my daughter and I will end up in an argument and the walk to school will consist of me mumbling under my breath. The morning routine disaster continues for days before she gets back on schedule.
Yet after two years, I still continue this behavior. This last three day weekend was particularly terrible. It was so awful that when she got to school, she sat down at the opposite end of the table from where we normally sit and turned her back on me.
Well, I just left because I saw no point in waiting around to be snubbed my own daughter. Honestly, I did expect my daughter to come running after me but she didn’t.
I felt horrible the entire day thinking this is not how it’s supposed to be in second grade. Isn’t this behaviour I should expect in junior high? Was it her fault, I let her stay up late? No!!! It’s mine. I know that she needs a routine and needs to be on a schedule.
I decided to surprise her and pick her up early. She was so happy to see me, I think she knew I was going to come early to get her because she did not give me the usual, “can I stay longer” whine.
As we were walking home, I told her that mommy hates to have arguments and that we always have these crazy arguments because I let her stay up late. She agreed with me. Ah such a smart 7 year old.
“Mommy will let you stay up until 9pm, okay.” You may disagree that I should stick to the 8:30 pm bedtime but in mind, 30 minutes is no big deal. What did my daughter think? She was thrilled, “I can stay up until 9, that’s great.” Sometimes you have to pick your battles.
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That is exactly how my mom used to do it! The most we ever got was an 1 hour past our bedtime.
She put us to be at 7:30PM! It was nuts I never got to watch The Muppet Show except on Fridays! She really wanted us out of her hair. Yes we were done with homework and fed by 6P-ish.
I agree with you, routine is everything! DH doesn’t understand why I’m so insistent about enforcing a 7 pm bedtime for the boys, including on weekends and holidays. I’ve explained time and again that children need consistency and structure, and how deviating from this (even on weekends/holidays) impacts the entire household. Fortunately, he has seen for himself how Chase’s behavior is affected by lack of sleep and lack of routine… so he is coming around.
So I totally commend you on your desire to stick to your routine… but also your willingness to be flexible. I think that’s the hallmark of a good parent – knows the importance of structure, for the best interest of their child, but also willing to bend a little bit to still be a “fun mom” and keep the little one happy.
I loved how you came back to pick your daughter up early, and how she smiled when she saw you. It sounds like she missed you and regretted what happened just as much as you did! Every situation is a lesson learned and an opportunity for us to grow stronger in our relationships.
7 PM bedtime, my hats off to you.