This feeling has been building up over time. The notion of slowing weaning off of play dates with a friend’s child. I have avoided it because I like hanging out with the mother which means I basically force my daughter on these play dates. I know my daughter can’t be all that fond of the child because she never ever asks for a playdate. In fact, just recently she pleaded with me “please don’t invite her to my birthday party.”
So how bad can it be, right? While kids can be a little sassy and refuse to do things, this little girl is sassy and not in a good funny way, speaks disrespectfully to her mother, walks around like she owns the place and in fact can be quite rude. The last two incidents just sent me over the edge I invited my friend and her daughter to a very nice brunch at a hip Soho restaurant./ The daughter told us rather snottily there wasn’t anything on the menu she liked. Good grief! It’s brunch for God’s sake, what’s there not to like. Pancakes, French Toast, Bacon, Fries, all foods kids love.
Our very patient hipster waiter convinced her to get pancakes. When they arrived she said they tasted terrible and said (insert famous chain restaurant’s) were better. My daughter had a fit, “no way.” Her mother reprimanded her and I tried to appease her but finally I just told her to be so insulting. Yikes! I was so happy when they left. Little ungrateful b**.
I might have let that last incident go but our last play date, just a left odd feeling in my gut. At some point during the playdate, I think the girls were playing dress up and next thing you know the girl was literally walking around naked except a robe. She is eight and while I am not a puritan, this seemed odd and slightly and I can’t explain why just short of pre-adolescent sexualized behavior. And then when I went in to tell my daughter is was time to go, she literally was flailing her legs around like she was on stripper pole. That was what really freaked me out. I actually asked my daughter if she was exposing herself which she assured me she wasn’t.
And as if those recent incidents aren’t enough, I seriously can not rely on her situation with her dad. Yes, I have met the Dad once, only hear my friend’s perspective but he just sounds like he lets her do whatever, doesn’t care that he is having sex with his wife/girlfriend in the next room so she can hear (this is from the daughter), moved her into the living room with a new bed but gave his older son the bedroom, let’s her eat whatever and plops her in front of the tv on his weekends. As she gets older, I can only imagine that she will really start acting out.
While my daughter can be sassy with me (ah the tween years), she is never ever rude to other parents. I know she goes on the playdates because I just set them up and don’t think the girl will influence my daughter but I think it’s time I stop torturing the kid and stop with the playdates. It truly is not fair.
So here I am in a quandary. Do I tell my friend, her kid is a brat and that’s why I can’t have any more play dates? Do I tell her I think that her daughter’s dad has more influence on her behavior than she does ? Do I just slowly slink away and say we are always busy?
I do know one thing, hanging out with my friend alone is totally an option as she works a few blocks from so I can meet her for lunch or drinks which we have done.
Has this happened to you? What would you do? Should I tell her?
I absolutely would not tell her! It could cost the friendship. I would totally wean off the playdates by being having scheduling conflicts and if you have to schedule a playdate, do it in a playground and make it a group thing where there are other kids as a buffer. You never know, she might get better later on and you can pick up again.
I wouldn’t tell her that her kid is a brat, but find another way to stop the playdates. Maybe say that the girls just don’t get along that well so playdates might have to be adults only most of the time. Good luck!