There are so many variables that can impact your daughter’s esteem ranging from peer pressure, puberty, friends, school, the media and who knows what else that make living with a tween or teen girl seem like you are on a never ending roller coaster of emotions.
Personally, I have been having the toughest time. I don’t think we as parents can stop time from marching on, nor lock our daughters in their room till they go to college, nor block out the media but there are a number of ways, we can help them building self-esteem over the coming years.
8 Tips to Building Self Esteem in Tween and Teen Girls
1. Promote Playing Sports or Physical Activity at an Early Age – According to Women’s Sports Foundation, research suggests that girls who participate in sports are less likely to get involved with drugs, less likely to get pregnant and more likely to graduate from high school than those who do not play sports.*
I think it’s important to get girls and boys started early in engaging in some type of sports activity. It may take several attempts but it’s well worth it. My daughter starting taking swimming lessons when she was 3 months old and enjoys swimming at every opportunity. During Pre-school and elementary school, she loved taking ballet and tap lessons. Somewhere along the line, there were ice skating lessons and now her winter sports activity is ice skating with friends. Now that she is in middle school, she plays on her school’s basketball and volleyball teams.
2. Avoid Buying Fashion Magazines – I remember when I was in high school, my father bought me a subscription to Seventeen magazine and I bought Glamour and Vogue every month which informed me about the latest trends and designers. I am sure there was retouching back then but not as much as there is now.
“The average American woman is 5’4″ tall and weighs 140 pounds but the average American model is 5’11” tall and weighs 117 pounds. ” That’s quite a difference.
“Studies prove that media can have a negative impact on self image. TV, movies, magazines and the internet all bombard teens with images and pressures about what their bodies should look like.”**
So as much I would like my daughter to learn about fashion designers both young and old, I have refused to buy her own magazine subscription because it only will make her feel bad about herself.
3. Stop Making Negative References to Your Own Body – Guilty! Literally, I am always grabbing my stomach and saying “I need to lose weight” or “I look pregnant.” It’s better to model eating more fruits and veggies and talk about why I am eating more and watching the portion size because it does impact one’s health rather offer up negative references to my own body. It can only have a negative impact on her own body image.
4. Be Supportive No Matter What Happens – As much as I admire the Tiger Moms of the world, comparing my daughter to other kids or berating her does not work for my daughter. I have learned that going negative or being harsh is not motivating nor supportive.
I have always emphasized the importance of education using my dad and his siblings as role models telling her that my grandparents who barely had a high school education, working in the Akron rubber factory and being a maid were responsible for having 3 kids go to college with two including my dad get his law degree. This is one of those situations that is different for each child. Some kids are great at school but terrible at sports and vice versa. So I just need to continue to be supportive across the board.
5. Show Interest In Your Daughter’s Interests – This may be a tough one for many parents. Seriously, have you tried getting into Mine Craft or watch YouTube sensation Glozell do the Cinnamon challenge? Yet, I have suffered through it all and feigned interest. But I have also supported her wanting to play the guitar by hiring a guitar teacher to help her learn to play.
6. Schedule One- On-One Time – This used to be far easier before she hit the middle school years but now I try to schedule mani/pedis or going to see a movie together so we have some true bonding moments.
7. Promote Journaling – Who doesn’t remember writing their deepest thoughts in their diary? Wonder where mine is? This hasn’t quite taken with my daughter but I am going to make another attempt this summer to have at least jot down something at sometime. Stay tuned on this one.
8. Actively Listen – As a single mom, I am always multi-tasking and trying to get it all done. While it never seems to work in reverse, that my daughter actively listen to me when I am talking to her, my self-esteem is not going to be damaged.
On the other hand, not actively listening no matter what the topic is, will have an adverse affect on my daughter in the long run. And while spending one on on time is important, listening for 5 minutes to my daughter’s comments will go further to communicate that her opinion and words matter.
How do you encourage and build your daughter’s self-esteem?
** http://yes.org
Disclosure: NYC Single Mom was not compensated for this post.
I am guilty with number 3 as well. I will follow your advice. Thanks for sharing.
I think it must be so hard for young girls these days. I can’t imagine all the pressure on them. These are awesome tips 🙂
I remember when my Daughter was young. She had chipped her front tooth. It wasn’t bad and hardly noticable. One day, I found out it really bothered her to smile and show it.
The next day after I found out how she felt, I made an appointment for the dentist. She ended up getting these … they aren’t caps, but they are thin veneer that covers problem areas. This was over 30 years ago. That set me back over $600. At the time it was a lot of money. But it made her smile.
Thanks for these tips. I will have a teen soon and I could definitely use all these useful tips.
Things have changed a lot since I was a teen and there are so many more pressures on teen girls!
Great tips for building self esteem which follows one through their entire life!
Great tips! I remember how I loved fashion magazines when I was a teen, but yes it can be a problem because the models there are really skinny.
Those are good tips. I think that they would apply equally to tween and teen boys, too. (I am so over Tiger Moms. Just let kids be kids.)
These are all great points! One on one time is my favorite time!! It really brings us closer together and opens a channel of communication!
These are really great tips. I only have sons but I did work with high school students for over 20 years and I do understand how hard it is for teenage girls. Active listening is so important not just for parents but for anyone that has interaction with girls this age.
My granddaughter is about to turn 11 so she’s very close to experiencing this. I see my son doing a lot of this already to ensure she knows she’s loved and supported. Thank you for spreading awareness about this information. 🙂
Tween and teens have so many things working against them these days. Even at home technology can keep them connected to problems at school. These are amazing tips!
Its amazing tips for those teens having guilty to there selves, because many teens and tweens can help this tips, its literary true.. i have a lot of things that i can saw this kind of situation.. These are all great points..
These are wonderful tips! With all the media (i.e., inappropriate behaviour, clothing, etc) that young girls are exposed to, it’s so important to remind them about self-esteem and integrity!
A good Self Esteem is so important for girls to have. I have two girls and I want to make sure they know how amazing they are. I love these tips!!
This is wonderful. Our girls need their self esteem to be high. I teach my daughter that all the unique things about her, her talents, her quirks, her kindness, these are the things that make her amazing and beautiful.
I have all boys so I feel like my challenges will be different with them as they grow up, but you have a really great list here. It is so important to be thinking about it early and model the esteem and behavior you want your daughters to have. I especially like the advice to stop taking negatively about your own body and image. Celebrate talents and skills.
I have four boys but I would probably be guilty of #3 too! What a wonderfully inspiring and very much needed post. Thank you for sharing these wonderful tips, some apply to our boys too! Thank you!
Great tips! Self-esteem is so important in teenagers. I’m trying to watch what I say around my kids as well. It sounds like your daughter is lucky to have you for a momma!
Wow these are some amazing tips. I actually love the point about not buying fashion magazines. It’s so crazy how much pop culture trends affect young girls and guys. I also love the point about not saying negative things about your body. I am so lucky that I grew up with a mom who loved her body and embraced all her imperfections and taught my sister and my self to love ourselves
My mom never made comments about her body but I grew up in a era of stay at home moms so maybe she thought that way. Sadly I was impacted by fad diets. UGH!