But it’s only Tuesday, …
And so it began, a morning like so many before, staring wistfully out my window at the Statue of Liberty. I began to run through all the items on my to do list that needed to be completed by the end of day – draft agenda for J’s leadership meeting, begin draft on her presentation in preparation for meeting with G next week, team building ideas, file, you get the idea.
I got in early today so I could try to get through some emails before the day started and to try and have leisurely breakfast before the floor became alive with people.
Then the phone rang to interrupt my morning ritual of contemplation, coffee and a bagel and unknowingly at that moment, change my life forever.
“Are you sitting down?” asked Tara, the Director at the adoption agency.
“Yes, I am at my desk,” I said, thinking other than traders how many people are standing at their desk. Isn’t amazing what pops into your head at the most inopportune moments?
“We have a little girl for you,” she calmly stated.
Racing through my mind, I thought over the past two years. I had heard those words before but there was always something just not right with the child’s circumstances or the mother had changed her mind at the last minute, all those situations resulted in my disappointment, a feeling of rejection and a gnawing feeling that my being a mother was never going to happen.
Gathering my composure and quickly blocking those negative thoughts out of mind, I somehow blurted out, “ Tell me about her.”
But I wasn’t really listening, feeling like a character in a Charlie Brown show where you never see the parents but only hear that “Waa, Waa, Waa” noise to indicate meaningless background noise.
As Tara began providing details about the little baby girl, I realized that my journey to be a mother was over and the next chapter of my life was just beginning.
“What I had I done? Yikes,” I thought to myself my life a single mother living in a small one-bedroom apartment in a third floor walkup in the village amongst all the bars and NYU students on MacDougal street, raising her child alone with no family or support group.
After providing details about the birth mother, reality set back in when Tara asked, “Can you pick her up on, Friday?”
Stunned, I blurted out, “ But it’s only Tuesday, you want me to pick her up on Friday? That’s in three days!”
Pulling myself together, I calmly asked, “Can I pick her up on Monday? I need the time to get my life in order especially my work situation.” I did not want to admit that my apartment was ill-equipped to handle a child, certainly wasn’t baby-proofed and more importantly, I had no clothes, no food, or even a place where the little munchkin could sleep.
” Fine, see you on Monday and Congratulations, “ she said.
Luckily, no one came into my cube after I hung because I was shaking so much. Slowly my eyes began to tear up. I turned to stare out at the Statue of Liberty, a symbol of renewal and new beginnings for the immigrants who passed through Ellis Island and I began to cry.
When I stopped crying, my rationale and practical side popped up. Could I actually get your life in order in 5 days? Who knows. All I knew is that I had to tell my manager the news so I could start the next the chapter of my life, being a mother.
Disclosure: NYC Single Mom was not compensated for this post.
Such an amazing moment! 🙂 Clearly being a mom was meant for you!
I must go and find more of this story now!