When I started therapy, the first thing my “mom” mentioned “you need to ask the therapist when she will be involving my daughter in the sessions.” At our first session, I asked Dr R. and she said “we will see, let’s just address why you are here and go from there. “
Recently, my mom brought up the topic again. I find this fascinating since she has not seen my daughter since January 2008 when she was 5 3/4 years old. In that time, my daughter has really developed and matured emotionally. That said, I am not saying my daughter is perfect (I wish.)
Sure there are temper tantrums and we still have mornings that I wish Mary Poppins would magically appear and deal with the morning routine but sometimes I amazed at her capacity to do stuff on her own. Some days, she will clear all the dishes from the table, clean her room or do the recycling all on her own without being asked or reminded. Mind you its not consistent but hey there is a glimmer of hope, right.
I brought this up at a session with Dr R. “Do you think my daughter should come in with me one day?”
What I love about Dr R. is that her facial expressions are priceless. She is wasn’t what I expected in a therapist. I think I am victim of television/movie therapists who sit and start at their patients with poker faces, listen impassively and ask you “so what you do think?” Not Dr. R, she just looked at me “like why does a 6 year old need to come in here. “
Her response, “From what you have told about your daughter in great detail and the fact that she has not received any disciplinary notes from school, I don’t see why she needs to come in. And what exactly did you envision?”
I started to chuckle because if you have never been to therapy, you basically sit in a chair or in my case a big sofa and Dr. R sits in the chair facing you and you talk. Can you imagine, having a 6 year old sitting there on the couch being grilled about an incident from two days ago? They remember what they remember when they want to. The scene is laughable. I would be a waste to time and money.
“Well, frankly unless you see us interacting or have a nanny cam installed in our house (scarrry) ala Nanny 911, I don’t see the point have my daughter see you either.”
“So you tell your mom, exactly what I said, end of story,”
Single mom – It sounds to me that your child is well adjusted and enjoying a PERFECTLY fabulous childhood in the greatest city on the planet!!
I continue to enjoy your column. I am curious about a few things.
Are you getting anything out of therapy against your original goal? i remember you started because your family wanted you to 'parent better.'
Also, I'd love to hear about how you are growing your network to find a job. You have mentioned a few opportunities that haven't panned out. That is further than I've gone lately. And worse yet, my friends think that I am only taking from the friendships and not giving anything back. I get it, but I need support. How do you manage that–seeing friends, balancing job search talk and friendship talk, not turning each interaction with friends beyond my core circle of 4 into an attempt to solicit help in finding contacts or sharing info?
Thanks!